I realize not everyone, and probably not anyone, wants to hear my thoughts on pregnancy bellies but if you were anything like a pregnant woman, you would be thinking about this at least a couple of times per day. So either go ahead, or skip it!
I am at that awkward stage of pregnancy where my belly either looks like I'm (maybe?) pregnant, or I just have a fat belly. To be honest, it's probably a combination of both. But you know, it's before your pants don't fit, but after you have to start wearing drape-y shirts to hide the awkward little bump and it's not really working anymore.
As a person who is generally comfortable in her own skin, I find the sudden obsession with how big my belly looks a bit disconcerting. Why do I have to suddenly change five times in the morning before I am happy with how I look? I want my belly to get bigger so that I look pregnant instead of fat, but I also don't want this to happen too soon and look like I'm more pregnant than I really am. I really would prefer to just stay skinny and then bam! Around month 7 or 8 look pregnant with the big (but not too big) belly. You know, just a cute little 'basketball' belly as we all have heard it called, which is so rare but so coveted.
So why do I care now when I don't generally care at other times? I think maybe pregnancy puts my feminine hormones into overdrive, and women tend to obsess about weight in general, so maybe I'm more womanly now. But I think it's a problem of mixed messages that women constantly get when pregnant: From the doctor, don't gain more than 20-25 pounds max (most of those at the end term). From peers: It's ok to gain more than that, you're growing a baby! From the radio (heard it a few days ago: Isn't such and such celebrity just the cutest little pregnant lady? From husband: You aren't fat honey, you are large with child... which is so sweetly meant, but translation to a woman: You have a reason to be FAT. From health experts: Eat a, b, and c in plenty, but avoid d, e, and f unless you want your baby to be born sick. Geez, with all this talk, of course women obsess when pregnant, probably more so than any other time. Or is it just me?
The only reason I write my thoughts now, is because I'm supposed to be blogging for our family personal history, and I think I'd like my girls to one day realize that even though I will try to teach them to have a positive body image and self love, that we all have down days, especially us ladies. For me, those days are pregnancy, and definitely, more acutely, post-pregnancy in the weeks and months that you have a much saggier softer middle, where basically it feels like your newborn can snuggle down into a blob of smooshy warm dough for a nice nap. And even though I know it's wrong, I eat ice cream almost every day right now, for some unquenchable reason (although interestingly, although I usually love Oreos, I pretty much can't stand them right now). I also try to make sure I'm eating all the right things throughout the rest of the day for good nutrition so I can cheat every single day. Yeah, I know no one advises that. But hey.
Maybe I should post a pregnant selfie of my belly right now. Um, maybe not. That's for the 'cute little pregnant ladies' with basketball bellies! But, in the interest of posterity's curiosity, I do have two photos hidden away somewhere on a hard drive of my belly on the night before Jane was born, and a few days before Evie came, at my hugest. Which is more enormous, the belly or the responsibility to keep a record? :) The second, obviously (to me), which must be huge.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Baby (and other) Developments
It's past time for a family status update! I'd like to keep up better with journaling our daily lives, but we may all have to be content with quarterlies.
Our current baby, little Evie, can probably no longer be called that. She turned one on October 2nd. She's been walking since 10-1/2 months, before that too, but not consistently. Now, at almost 13 months, its all she does, the crawling has disappeared. It's sometimes odd for me to look at such a tiny little human toddling around on two feet. She's such a petite little thing, I love her bow-legged walk and her protruding little belly with her innie/outie. Her fingers and toes are long but chubby and so delicate. Her neck is somewhere under that chin but you can't really see it. I have trouble keeping her neck folds clean. I remember that Jane had the same problem. She's got a wonderful smile, now with three teeth poking out, the two bottom ones and a lateral incisor on her left side, with the right side one having just broke through (yes, I had to look up the correct term, I was going to call it a cuspid or a 'fang'). Maybe in time for Halloween this week we'll see more of the second lateral incisor:) Evie has always had fine, thin hair, but lately, with the length, we can see that her hair is in fact not straight, but has a bit of wave or curl to it. I'm crossing my fingers that it stays wavy if not curly. I've always thought that girls with curly hair were so adorable, especially toddlers. The hair above her forehead is still slow to come in though. We may have a mullet problem on our hands soon. My favorite feature of Evie's are her dark, strange colored eyes. They are almond shaped and seem to be soulful, intelligent eyes. I don't know how to describe it, Jane's eyes were always bright and sparkling with fun, and beautiful because of their color, but Evie's just seem mysterious and deep. The color is difficult for me to pinpoint, the closest I can say is gray, but that sounds dull. Some days they look dark blue, sometimes they have a hint of green or brown, other days, maybe just a dark, slate gray. I'm not sure what age babies settle into a final eye color, but lets just say that if they stay this way, she might have difficulty choosing a color at the DMV's office in future. We love our Baby Boo, that's what I've taken to calling her the most. Sometimes Boo Boo or Stinka-boo. I also call her Goosa-Goose, while Jane is Silly Goose when they are being silly. Occasionally, she'll still get called Little Peanut. Her personality is still a bit clingy, preferable to mommy, she loves to be held and snuggled, loves interactive games like Peeka Boo and Little Piggies. She loves playing chase with Jane. She dances all the time.... even to my bad singing and no backup. She's much girlier than Jane was, already loving to carry around purses, put on necklaces, headbands, dress up in her duck towel, more so than Jane did or ever has. She'll pull the baby lotion out for me to put on her after baths, while Jane always wriggled away. She is STILL swaddled to sleep at night. Loves stories being read, or rather, turning pages or lifting flaps, but she definitely has her favorite books. Her favorites recently have been, That's Not my Dragon!, Roar, Baby, Roar!, and Bedtime Kiss for Little Fish. She's a huge food waster. So much food ends up on the floor or in her seat. Like, more than half. I don't know if this is because she is messier, or if it's because she's our second so we gave her a little more freedom too soon. She doesn't talk yet, only uses sounds, but I always seem to know what she wants. Its hard to explain but mommas' know their babies and what they need by so many cues.
In other baby news, we found out on August 1st that we are pregnant! I had maybe one cycle before getting pregnant again, so I was a little surprised. This means, with a March 21st due date, that Evie and the new baby will be a little less than 18 months apart. Which scares me silly. I mean, at least with a three year age gap, I was able to direct Jane to do things and she was pretty self-sufficient at that point. Potty-trained, able to play on her own, have patience and understand how to wait a minute for help. Often, I'd stick her in front of the tv for a show while I took naps with Evie and she did great with this, not getting into things. Anyway, along with the excitement of adding to our family, we are unsure what this will do to us financially. We've been living at home, with me not working much, attempting to pay off some debts, some of which were accumulated for medical bills for Evie. So, the new baby will bring new medical costs. I wish Jeff had a job that would cover good insurance, but I suppose by the time that ever happens, we will be done with kids. I wish that having a baby didn't have to cost thousands of dollars. I do have to have a c-section again, for every child from now on, so that doesn't help costs. Anyway, we hope that it will work out and that one day we will be able to move out on our own again. Right now, it just seems like everything is up in the air and in question. Although I continue to work a little, I don't have as much time as I used to, and that will get even less as I have a third, especially two babies so young. I used to think I wanted to hang onto the business no matter what, and teach my girls how to work in a business when they were older, and earn some extra money. I probably still need to, and still will. What makes me stop and think, is that if I didn't work, the government would pay for Medicare. Its a shame that the government almost encourages people to not work, with incentives like Medicare and food stamps. There is a place for these things, especially seniors who no longer have the ability to work, but I wish that at least healthcare could be somehow pro-rated so that everyone pays based on their income levels, rather than having a set cut-off amount. Wish taxes were done that way. Everyone should pay, but people with more can pay more... but as it is, if you are self-employed you pay a higher rate. If you happen to make $50k instead of $45k (or whatever the cutoff is), you pay taxes but the other person doesn't. Anyway, don't mean to get all political here. My ultimate point is, that finances are so tough to understand and figure out, especially with a baby on the way. We don't know what to anticipate. We just hope that we can move into a place of our own once the baby comes.
We found out that Erik and Ryn are expecting a little girl in April. So, if we end up having a boy, he will be sadly outnumbered. But if we have a little girl, it could be, in Ryn's words, all Little Women around here. It is fun to think about, that the girls (and new baby) will have a cousin nearby. I grew up without any cousins near us, and I envy those families that all stick together and are able to have huge gatherings at every holiday of grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. It comes with a price, too, but family is a group of people you can always count on, they will be there because they have to be. If you have a falling out, it's not forever. (at least I hope not!)
Our current baby, little Evie, can probably no longer be called that. She turned one on October 2nd. She's been walking since 10-1/2 months, before that too, but not consistently. Now, at almost 13 months, its all she does, the crawling has disappeared. It's sometimes odd for me to look at such a tiny little human toddling around on two feet. She's such a petite little thing, I love her bow-legged walk and her protruding little belly with her innie/outie. Her fingers and toes are long but chubby and so delicate. Her neck is somewhere under that chin but you can't really see it. I have trouble keeping her neck folds clean. I remember that Jane had the same problem. She's got a wonderful smile, now with three teeth poking out, the two bottom ones and a lateral incisor on her left side, with the right side one having just broke through (yes, I had to look up the correct term, I was going to call it a cuspid or a 'fang'). Maybe in time for Halloween this week we'll see more of the second lateral incisor:) Evie has always had fine, thin hair, but lately, with the length, we can see that her hair is in fact not straight, but has a bit of wave or curl to it. I'm crossing my fingers that it stays wavy if not curly. I've always thought that girls with curly hair were so adorable, especially toddlers. The hair above her forehead is still slow to come in though. We may have a mullet problem on our hands soon. My favorite feature of Evie's are her dark, strange colored eyes. They are almond shaped and seem to be soulful, intelligent eyes. I don't know how to describe it, Jane's eyes were always bright and sparkling with fun, and beautiful because of their color, but Evie's just seem mysterious and deep. The color is difficult for me to pinpoint, the closest I can say is gray, but that sounds dull. Some days they look dark blue, sometimes they have a hint of green or brown, other days, maybe just a dark, slate gray. I'm not sure what age babies settle into a final eye color, but lets just say that if they stay this way, she might have difficulty choosing a color at the DMV's office in future. We love our Baby Boo, that's what I've taken to calling her the most. Sometimes Boo Boo or Stinka-boo. I also call her Goosa-Goose, while Jane is Silly Goose when they are being silly. Occasionally, she'll still get called Little Peanut. Her personality is still a bit clingy, preferable to mommy, she loves to be held and snuggled, loves interactive games like Peeka Boo and Little Piggies. She loves playing chase with Jane. She dances all the time.... even to my bad singing and no backup. She's much girlier than Jane was, already loving to carry around purses, put on necklaces, headbands, dress up in her duck towel, more so than Jane did or ever has. She'll pull the baby lotion out for me to put on her after baths, while Jane always wriggled away. She is STILL swaddled to sleep at night. Loves stories being read, or rather, turning pages or lifting flaps, but she definitely has her favorite books. Her favorites recently have been, That's Not my Dragon!, Roar, Baby, Roar!, and Bedtime Kiss for Little Fish. She's a huge food waster. So much food ends up on the floor or in her seat. Like, more than half. I don't know if this is because she is messier, or if it's because she's our second so we gave her a little more freedom too soon. She doesn't talk yet, only uses sounds, but I always seem to know what she wants. Its hard to explain but mommas' know their babies and what they need by so many cues.
In other baby news, we found out on August 1st that we are pregnant! I had maybe one cycle before getting pregnant again, so I was a little surprised. This means, with a March 21st due date, that Evie and the new baby will be a little less than 18 months apart. Which scares me silly. I mean, at least with a three year age gap, I was able to direct Jane to do things and she was pretty self-sufficient at that point. Potty-trained, able to play on her own, have patience and understand how to wait a minute for help. Often, I'd stick her in front of the tv for a show while I took naps with Evie and she did great with this, not getting into things. Anyway, along with the excitement of adding to our family, we are unsure what this will do to us financially. We've been living at home, with me not working much, attempting to pay off some debts, some of which were accumulated for medical bills for Evie. So, the new baby will bring new medical costs. I wish Jeff had a job that would cover good insurance, but I suppose by the time that ever happens, we will be done with kids. I wish that having a baby didn't have to cost thousands of dollars. I do have to have a c-section again, for every child from now on, so that doesn't help costs. Anyway, we hope that it will work out and that one day we will be able to move out on our own again. Right now, it just seems like everything is up in the air and in question. Although I continue to work a little, I don't have as much time as I used to, and that will get even less as I have a third, especially two babies so young. I used to think I wanted to hang onto the business no matter what, and teach my girls how to work in a business when they were older, and earn some extra money. I probably still need to, and still will. What makes me stop and think, is that if I didn't work, the government would pay for Medicare. Its a shame that the government almost encourages people to not work, with incentives like Medicare and food stamps. There is a place for these things, especially seniors who no longer have the ability to work, but I wish that at least healthcare could be somehow pro-rated so that everyone pays based on their income levels, rather than having a set cut-off amount. Wish taxes were done that way. Everyone should pay, but people with more can pay more... but as it is, if you are self-employed you pay a higher rate. If you happen to make $50k instead of $45k (or whatever the cutoff is), you pay taxes but the other person doesn't. Anyway, don't mean to get all political here. My ultimate point is, that finances are so tough to understand and figure out, especially with a baby on the way. We don't know what to anticipate. We just hope that we can move into a place of our own once the baby comes.
We found out that Erik and Ryn are expecting a little girl in April. So, if we end up having a boy, he will be sadly outnumbered. But if we have a little girl, it could be, in Ryn's words, all Little Women around here. It is fun to think about, that the girls (and new baby) will have a cousin nearby. I grew up without any cousins near us, and I envy those families that all stick together and are able to have huge gatherings at every holiday of grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. It comes with a price, too, but family is a group of people you can always count on, they will be there because they have to be. If you have a falling out, it's not forever. (at least I hope not!)
Finally, an update on our Jane. I definitely do not love one child over the other one, they are both unique and wonderful girls and each has their own special spirit and their own place in my heart. This is my disclaimer for what I'm about to write. Jane is my first child, and as the first, she allows me to have joy in the new things she does (I've never experienced a child doing or saying the adorable things she does or learns!), but at the same time, that means she takes up most of my patience, since I don't have a big picture ahead of where her development should be, etc. Jane and I, we have a special relationship because we are figuring out this whole parent/child relationship together at the same time. I love her joy for life, for doing things she enjoys (but nothing she doesn't!). She likes to be in charge, which is great in some circumstances, like when she befriends complete strangers or helps a sad child feel included, but at other times it is maddening that she thinks she needs her own way. This most often manifests itself while playing with her little sister, and I don't know if I should resign myself to it as normal, or continue to remind her to share, its not YOUR toy, etc, etc and hope she learns. I do want them to get along as they get older, and I'm afraid if I interfere too much, that Jane could resent her little sister, and Evie could learn to play victim. That was definitely the scenario that played out with two of my younger brothers. Jane goes to preschool, a parent co-op one day a week, and two other days with Nana. How lucky we are to have a Nana with her own preschool, and not just a preschool, and outdoorsy experience! She loves the days she can just dig in the sand, have a campfire, play with worms. Not many kids get this kind of experience on a consistent basis. Jane loves play dates, to be around other children. Her main source of joy is social... to interact with others, and to be in charge of others. She even likes to be in charge of adults and children much older than her. She loves to be outside, taking walks to the 'beach', going to the park, just playing in the front or back yard. Today when we asked her to come in for dinner, she responded; "In a minute, I'm singing to the flowers." That's a typical sweet Jane response. Recently, we went in the backyard and she wanted to climb on Nana and Papa's old playhouse, but the ladder is too difficult for her to climb. So me, with my Type 1 personality (full of new ideas but don't always follow through) immediately scoured Craigslist for some free wood to finish out the playhouse for the little girls. I figure its a good thing to do, since after we move, they will still have grandkids visit. Jane is thrilled over the idea. We love her and continue to learn from her and with her. I'm hoping she teaches me enough patience for the children to come to benefit.
On a side note, Jeff and I have been married for over ten years now. We went out to dinner to celebrate. A fancy trip will have to wait for another year. This particular year has been a hard one, I don't think its due to the amount of time, but to having two kids, one very small, and not having a home of our own, but we still love each other and are hanging in there! Going for ten more! (years, not kids or homes)
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