Well, it having been Mother's Day and all, I feel that it is only appropriate for me to take some time to reflect on my own mother. She continues to be a fill-in mom on a regular basis for my own daughter, doing things with her at this young age that I don't remember myself but I'm sure she did with me too, but maybe even better, because people tend to get better with experience and age. The first photo is one of Jane at Woodland Discovery on Poplar Tent Road, where Nana takes her often for preschool days. She was running around barefoot and picking flowers, and playing with fairy dolls that some other children had brought. On other days, I understand she walks around like she owns the place, knowing where everything is and directing other children. One day recently, Nana brought out worms to look at. That isn't a look of disgust, it's a look of extreme joy, she squealed and laughed with delight at the sight of it. She held a garden snake the very same day without any fear. I hope she stays confident around creatures and nature (and always respectful of it). I think the key to that will be through my mother.
My mom was always coming up with activities for us to do as kids, she hated to see us idle. We weren't allowed to be bored.... if we complained, we got a chore. We roamed around outside in the backyard in bare feet or muddy socks, collecting frogs and lizards and snakes (Florida). We spent so much time at the pool and weekends at the beach. Inside, we always had plenty of toys to play with. One of our favorites were the brick-paper wrapped Capri Sun boxes that we used to build life-sized forts. Mom had seen some in a catalog then decided to make them herself rather than spend the money. We had Capri Suns almost every day in our lunch boxes so why not? I remember our lunches usually consisted of a sandwich, oatmeal cream pie, applesauce, and crackers. We had lots of books around to read. My mom encouraged reading.
She also came up with many trips to take as a family, or minus my dad, during the summers. Mostly roadtrips. I remember traveling across the country to visit my grandparents with all of us in the back of the van. We'd fight over who got to lay across the cooler by the sliding van door, and who got to pick the next movie (which at that time was a tv/vcr combo box strapped to the arms between the driver seat and the passenger seat, rather bulky by today's standards). When I was eight, I got to fly to grandma and grandpa's all by myself (with escort service). This is something I'd like to do for my own kids when they are about that age. Her family was important to her even though they lived far away and our relationships with our grandparents were as good as they could be considering we lived all the way across the country. Mom also had a homemade "Family Game' with the names and photos of all our aunts, uncles, cousins, and I remember pulling them out often when I was young. Sometimes mom would quiz us, and sometimes before arriving at a family event with cousins we hadn't seen in awhile, she'd remind us all of their names and ages before we got there. We did inexpensive things; national parks and museums over tourist attractions or theme parks. That cooler I mentioned would be stocked up with items from the grocery store so we wouldn't have to eat fast food. Mom rarely took us to fast food places, and even rarer still would we get a Kid's Meal with a toy. Instead, we'd all share the super-sized items. I think frugality was a way for us to be able to take the family trips.
My mom was frugal in other ways too. She made our Halloween costumes, I never had one bought from the store. Our clothes were hand-me downs. Our shoes were not name brand, and they would be worn through before we got another pair. She cut all of our hair. She clipped coupons. Piles and piles of coupons. Some days she'd get us to help her sort them into piles, or cut them out. She also helped as coordinator with Boxtops for Education for our elementary schools, so she'd always have stacks of those for us to count into groups of 100, then rubber band. At the same time, she was generous with what she had. Once I remember a lady and her baby stayed in our home for a few months in exchange for help around the house. I don't fully remember the situation, names or circumstances, but to me it seemed that Mom and Dad were trying to help her out. We also had an exchange student from Japan? I think it was. She had brought me a cool little embroidered money purse that I cherished for awhile as a kid. I lost it in the school lunch trash along with $21 cash in it. My mom took me back to the school and let me dig through the dumpster looking for it because I was so upset. That was more money than I'd ever had in my life! Stupid enough to carry it around with me at school then leave it on my lunch tray.
A few special teaching moments stand out in my mind as a young child. Once as an elementary school child, I had made up a cruel story with drawings of a fellow student whom no one really liked. My mom discovered it and we had a discussion about being kind to others behind their backs. Then she held the paper in her hand and lit it on fire. Another time, I sneaked an apple from the kitchen to eat in my room. It was against the home rules to eat in our bedrooms. The guilt was so great, I slunk to her after my bedtime and showed her the apple and confessed my guilt. She thanked me for being honest and had me return the apple. I don't know why this moment was so crucial to me but I know that my guilt was real and that her response was better than I expected. So glad she didn't spank me! In Florida, I decided one day that I was going to run away. I packed my large pink bag with slices of bread and other food, some clothes, probably toys or who knows what else, then crept out of my window with my brother Christopher watching (he was necessarily a part of my plot so the window could be shut from within and they wouldn't know that I had left). But he snitched on me. My parents both knew I had left. My dad came and talked to me (the back of the van was my runaway destination of choice since it was raining). He said he hoped I would come home. I stubbornly stayed out there til I fell asleep and sometime in the night he carried me back inside. When I was in the 7th grade, a boy called me on the phone and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was terrified of the idea but said yes. My mom had been listening on the other phone, and approached me about it. She patiently explained to me that I was too young to date and ought to tell the boy that at school the next day. I have to say, I had more boys interested in me in middle school than at any other time in my life, but my mom's words stuck with me and I shied away from boys for the most part, especially before I was 16, but even through high school. I think I was a child who was overly eager to please, as the oldest, but simple lessons were all I needed. A simple scolding was enough to make me feel ashamed of my actions for every similar incident that might arise afterwards. Now with my brothers she had to take different methods completely, but for me, I think she did an ok job.
So much more to tell, perhaps I will take another opportunity another day, but I guess I just wanted to thank my mom for being who she was and is. I know that she wasn't perfect but she was perfect for me. She did things the best way she knew how and was creative and invested in us as her kids. She taught us what was right and wrong and took us to church and kept an eye on our friends and our education. She gave us experiences, including soccer, piano, camps, sports, dance, etc. She would have done anything for us, and she still does to this day. I think she accepts our shortcomings just as we accept hers, because our strengths are so much greater than our weaknesses. I have to say, if I can raise my own daughter to be just a little bit better than I am, then I will not have done such a bad job. With both of us on the job, perhaps we can pass a little of our gained knowledge down another generation.... and she can teach me too.
