A Typical Day with my Threenager and 3-Month Baby

It is true in Jane's case that she had a terrific year two, and now a terrible year three.  When she is happy she is mostly good, so the key is getting her to sleep enough, however, this is something that she does not think she needs to do, even at night.  She's been waking up in the early morning hours and coming in to sleep on the floor in our room.  I'm putting my foot down with Jeff that we can't let it happen again, even if it means tears, because it's becoming a habit for her.  Jeff has been taking care of Jane issues at night because I take care of Evie.  Sometimes they are both up at the same time.  But Jeff also usually takes Jane downstairs before work and gets her breakfast and puts on a show.  Sometimes he doesn't do this and lets her sleep in.  I'm thinking no more sleeping in, either.  I feel like she did great as a baby on a regular routine and we've let that crumble since Evie has arrived.  And at the same time, Jane's behavior has gotten worse.  Let me give you a rundown of typical 'bad' behavior:

5am:  Jane comes into our room crying that she is a) afraid of the dark b) doesn't want to be alone c) is not tired.  Maybe once in awhile it's because she has to go potty.  But she insists that she needs to be in our bed/room.  Jeff in the past has let her into bed but invariably she kicks and rolls around, not sleeping at all and not allowing either one of us to sleep.  So he gets up and makes her a bed on the floor.  The light is on so Evie stirs.  She is happy to be on the floor but continues to kick and roll around, keeping at least one of us (me) awake all morning.

6-7am:  At the first crack of light, she wakes up and comes to the side of the bed whining that she's hungry.  Ok, well I'd feel sorry for the kid if she had in fact eaten her dinner the night before.  One of us takes her downstairs, she demands to pick her own cereal, has to have regular milk (no almond milk), with a matching bowl and spoon.  She demands to eat in front of the tv on the coffee table which actually drives me crazy but I don't feel like it's something I can control in this house.  Same with the cereal and milk she chooses.  If we had our own place, there would not be Cocoa Pebbles in the cabinet every day, and there would not be dairy milk in the fridge!

7-10 am:  I just let the tv run and try to get ready for the day and get Evie ready for the day.  Seems like a ridiculous amount of time, but if I can, I try to sleep in with her as long as she'll sleep (if Jeff has attended to Jane and not me), I like to grab a shower, check my email, have breakfast, feed Evie, make a plan for the day, etc.  It's way too much tv but it is just easier with Evie to have Jane out of my hair!

10-2pm:  We mix it up.  Some days she has preschool from 9 to 1.  Thursdays she has dance class 11-Noon.  Somedays we play princesses up in her room with Evie on my lap or nearby.  Some days we run errands.  Occasionally I've left her at home so I can go to appointments.  I've arranged several play dates with friends.  She is actually usually very pleasant and easy during mid-morning to early afternoon and doesn't demand much and whining is at a minimum.

2-3pm:  This is about the time of day where her voice changes from cute to whiny, and she starts to become 'needy', wanting me to do everything for her.  "I can't walk!"  "I can't do it!"  "I'm hungry!" (but won't eat what I offer her), "Don't talk to me like that!"  (I've used a perfectly normal voice to ask her to do something she doesn't care to do), "You're making me sad!" (again, asked her to do something undesirable, like, pick up her toys or wash her hands after using the bathroom).  She'll start ignoring directions completely and sometimes blatantly disobey them.  (Like, when I ask her not to touch Evie, she reaches out a finger to touch her).  Since we've always had a rule that happy girls stay up and grumpy girls take naps, she often straightens up her attitude long enough to get out of a nap.  On some days I insist that she sleeps because she won't listen, and that always ends in tears and sometimes kicking and screaming on her part, gritting my teeth and using forceful words with her, occasionally a spanking gets her to at least stop kicking and cry herself to sleep.  She is never spanked without two warnings.  (I count to three).

3-4pm:  On good days I get a break if Jane and Evie both go to sleep.  This is rare.  Usually I'm dealing with a cranky girl that demands to be played with and a baby that demands to be held.

4-6pm:  Honestly I don't know how we pass these hours.  I guess I'm usually trying to get things done like dishes or laundry, vacuuming, organizing, email, etc and telling Jane to go play by herself which argument seems to last two hours, so eventually I always end up upstairs playing with her.  I know this, because most days I am sitting upstairs in Jane's room, straining my ears for the sound of Jeff's car pulling up into the driveway.  He's my relief, at least I can dump ONE of the girls on him, if not both.  He probably doesn't appreciate it, but I don't care.  He's been gone all day doing useful things, with adults.  I'm exhausted from doing nothing useful.  Being a stay at home mom isn't hard, it's the tedious mundane of feeling like no progress is being made.

6pm:  This is when I look at the clock wondering if it's bedtime yet.  I also start to think about making dinner.  Most days I spend some time cleaning Jane's room or folding laundry.  I let Jeff play with the girls and get on the internet for a bit, just to surf, or answer emails, or pay some bills.

7-8pm:  Work on getting Jane to bed.  It's a process that can take up to an hour!  These days bedtime has ended in tears, from her being overtired or overdramatic.  It used to be that we could read some stories, say prayers, give hugs, and she'd happily say 'Nite Mom!' and that was that.  Now she'll cry and say she doesn't want to be alone, she's hungry, she's thirsty, any excuse to get out of bed.

9pm:  Evie goes to bed around this time and once she's in bed I collapse into my own to unwind for the day.  I never get anything done late at night after the girls are in bed because I'm too tired and my sleep is so precious to me.  Besides, I know that I'll be getting up 3-4 times during the night so I need a headstart for tomorrow!

Organizing my History

I have a few (ok, several) boxes full of unorganized memorabilia, cards, letters, photos, ticket stubs, travel brochures, etc.  I usually just toss anything that has meaning for me into a box thinking that some day I will organize it all.  To this day I haven't, and living in two rooms with most of our stuff in storage makes one want to consolidate and get rid of things!  (At least for me it does).  I think a blog is a useful tool in that I can catalogue all of these items and (to my recent discovery), can choose a publish date in the past.  So, I can go through and photograph the MOST important items, and transcribe the words of the cards, letters, allowing me to get rid of the paper clutter.  Paperless scrapbooking!  Hopefully this will be a success for me.  I imagine it will be a work in progress because there is a LOT to catch up on!  Wish me luck, I'll be doing this between feedings and naps if Evie and Jane will cooperate!

Letter to Anita

Dear Anita,

Obviously the new news over here is that we have a now one-month old.  I can't believe how the time has gone by.  In the blink of an eye and I don't  have anything to show for it except a baby girl who is alive and well and beautiful.  In other words I haven't been doing much besides nursing, putting to sleep, playing with Jane, and sleeping myself when I can fit it in.  I'm just now tiptoeing back into doing some work but my hearts not in it at all.  We are living with mom and dad now, so it makes most sense to work hard so we can pay off some debt in order to move out.  So I'm still working as best I can.  I think my spunk will return after a few months after baby.   Hard to make any life altering decisions right now with hormones raging.

I hope that you are doing ok after grandpa's passing.  I know you two were close.  I am glad that at least he has some relief from his pain like he wanted.  I hope that grandma is ok, I am trying to write her more often.  Wish we lived closer so we could visit.  I'd like to make another trip out there before Evie turns two so we only have to pay for 3 tickets.  Of course we'd love to come see you too!  I always enjoy Frank's meals:).  I also hope that you are enjoying your newish job... (I know you've been at it awhile now).  I also heard that Brent's funeral was beautiful.  It seems the last year, more people close to me have died than ever before in my life.  One of the ladies I used to visit teach died last month, an elderly lady who I always spoke to at church and she always admired Jane.  She kept to herself a lot and I wasn't able to make the funeral because it was held right after Evie was born.  Then my regular delivery guy from Schlabach (the cabinetry company I sell for) died on one of his trips down to Florida of a heart attack.  It's strange that he is gone.  He was too young, with teenage kids.  He was the kindest man and so talkative and friendly.  A close neighbor and friend is giving birth soon to a child that will die.  The doctors know this because of several heart conditions but also ineligibility for surgery because the baby has Trisomy 18, of which most babies die right away if not in utero.  It particularly strikes me hard because Evie was just born so I can't imagine what she is going through.  It's supposed to be a hopeful and happy time.  So with all of this going on, of course I start to think of my own life and how to live better, and more for others.  If I had known these people would die soon, I think maybe I would have spent time a little more tenderly with them without being eager to rush on my way.

We are all well, we take life a day at a time.  Love you, wishing you the best fall season! 

Love, Andrea

3 weeks old

Evie is now three weeks old.  Time has flown by.  The first week was divided between 3 days at the hospital and the rest at home recovering.  The biggest thing keeping me down was the bladder catheter... so annoying to have to carry it around, sleep with it, shower with it, etc.  My mom gave me a shoulder bag to conceal the bag.  I don't recall doing anything worthwhile other than feed, feed, feed the baby and browse the internet.  Jane has really learned to play by herself, she's been amazing.  In fact, it happened on the day I went into labor.  She came to ask me to play and I told her I couldn't because I was hurting.  She played on her own the rest of the day and didn't ask me again until recently.  She's smart enough to know that mommy is busy with a new baby.  However, I am trying to play with her as often as I can.  Jeff took her to Disney on Ice just two days after Evie's birthday.  We didn't plan it that way, but I had bought the tickets thinking of a daddy/daughter outing before the baby came, and it worked out fine after too.  But my mom brought me home from the hospital instead of Jeff which was fine but it would have been nice to come home as a family... and to our own home.  Our living arrangement is great, but there are some things that are nice to do in a home of your own.  Recooperation might be one of those things, but I can't replace the positive aspect of having my mom readily available to occupy Jane or help me if I need it.

Jeff's mom came in on Saturday, October 11th to help out.  She didn't want to wait until early December, when we are having the baby blessing.  She's been great, allowing me to sleep in with the baby after rough nights, playing with Jane, helping me run errands, cooking dinners, cleaning the kitchen, teaching me to do crochet edging on a baby blanket, making goodies (gingersnaps and coconut chews).  She gave us a double stroller for a gift that has already come in handy.  She's helped me a ton and Evie doesn't even have any real issues.  She's a dream.  She sleeps well, eats well and is very laid back, not nearly as sensitive as Jane was.  On our errand days she would just sleep the whole time only waking up to eat then go back to sleep.  Her issue is fussiness at night, my best guess is due to gas or burps that she has difficulty passing.  So we bounce or pat her til she goes back to sleep.  When she has these issues she won't nurse, even when hungry.

My friends Josh and Jenny came on separate occasions to pay me a visit which was very nice, and Jane has been to one playdate with her friend Stella.  I didn't ask for anything from the Relief Society which I was proud of.  I would ask if I did need something, but I felt that I was fully prepared for the baby, with my mom being here to help and my mother in law coming into town.  Plus I had some freezer meals ready to go and I had backup playdates lined up.  The one thing I didn't think of, was not being able to drive but fortunately I was able to work out all of the crucial doctor's appointments with my mom and mother in law.

I've filled my days with rest and baby-time, rather than cross items off my to-do list.  Although I've had to keep track of a few jobs that are wrapping up punch items.  It will be interesting to see how having two will shape up from now on.  Today is my first day without my mother in law.  Guess it's time to get back to real life soon and start being productive.

It's a... GIRL!

I am surprised but not surprised.  I've always felt that I'm meant to have a trio of little girls.  I won't have complete confidence in my ability of discernment until I have a third, so that's why I picked up a few baby boy clothes in advance... just in case!  Plus this pregnancy was so different from Jane's.  This time, I was much more sick during the first trimester, had a lot more movement and indigestion the second trimester, and I was so so tired during the third trimester.  The baby's heart rate was always on the high side, and I didn't have any swelling this time and I'm pretty sure I was a lot larger around the middle with Jane.  Even Jeff agreed, "at risk of being put in the doghouse" he said.  "When have I ever put you in the doghouse?" I asked.  "Well, never I guess." he responded.  I'm pretty sure that's not true, because at I have mentally placed him in the doghouse at least once in our marriage.  However, I was probably way too sweet to him about it.  It's kinda difficult to be mean to that man.  He is always so sweet and loving to me during my bad moments so I try to do the same in return.

Anyway, back to our GIRL!  I've had a name picked out since right after Jane was born.  I came across the name Evie in the acknowledgements section of a book that I never even finished.  But I loved how simple it was.  I'm pretty straightforward about names.  I find one that I like and I fixate on it.  There was really no other name I considered, but lucky for me, Jeff liked it too.  Her middle name was up to him.  We agreed that if it was a boy he would choose the name and I'd do the middle name.  But a girl name... Jeff hadn't considered many of those although he did decide on a boy name (which we don't get to use this time).  So I came up with a last minute list of girl names that I thought would go nicely: Josephine, Rae (after my grandpa Val Ray Feller), Rose, Marie (Pack family name), Raychelle (combo of Ray and Shelley, Jeff's mom), Berit, Raine, Harriet.  Jeff didn't like Raychelle but he loved it when simplified to Rachelle.  I do have a friend with this middle name but that's the only other place I've heard it, but it is also an elegant name.  So, basically, we are hoping that Evie Rachelle Pack is a classy and unique but not-too-weird name.

Having a girl keeps life simple for me.  I don't have to purchase boy clothes and toys, the girls can play together and pass down their clothes.  I don't really need any baby supplies, other than a few things that were worn out after Jane or that I never bought the first time.  (This time I think I will invest in a nursing cover and a better sling, maybe some new clothes just for the fun of it.)

I am so thrilled that she has been such an excellent baby so far.  She is not as sensitive as Jane was, and has been a great sleeper and fair nurser.  Her eyes are just so captivating to me.  With her eyes closed, I could swear she looks exactly like Jane did, but those eyes open up and she's transformed.  How can eyes make such a big difference?  She's only a week old and those eyes tell a story, like she's an old soul.  I think I remember similar feelings when Jane was first born.  Newborns just have a sense of heaven I guess.  We are so glad she is here and safe and healthy.  It's still hard to believe she's ours.  After my recent miscarriage I have repressed some of the excitement that I had along with my first pregnancy, maybe a bit to protect myself, despite all of the signs that a healthy baby was on the way.  Perhaps Evie's gift to me in addition to herself is renewed hope and faith in the possibility of another child in our future, and permission to get excited about that next time.

Labor and Delivery Story

About 9 or 10am on Wednesday, October 1st, I started labor with this little one... at first I wasn't sure it was labor because I am not due until the 17th!  I thought maybe Braxton Hicks, maybe the baby was dropping, maybe it was just pelvic pressure.  I texted Jeff around lunchtime to say I 'might' be in labor.  I started timing contractions in the afternoon and pretty much knew I was in labor.  But I waited until Jeff got home from work, then we waited a bit longer until Nana could get home to watch Jane.  We arrived at Rowan Regional Medical Center around 6:30pm that night.  The car ride was fine, got through contractions ok.  But as soon as I got into the hospital they because almost unbearable.  All bravery from my first labor was out the door.  All I wanted was an epidural, heck, I even asked for a c-section from the nurse before my doctor, Holly Stevens (an old family friend) even arrived.  I was so exhausted physically and I felt that was a bad sign because I hadn't even dilated all the way yet.  I had to wait to receive a full bag of fluid before they would give the epidural, man, I watched that bag for what seemed like an eternity to drain.  But finally I got the shot and the pain eased away.  I was even able to close my eyes and rest for a small period of time before they came in and found I was fully dilated and ready to push.  The pushing wasn't very hard, but I only tried 3 or 4 times before the baby's heartrate dropped, so Holly recommended a c-section.  The baby's head wasn't even close enough for her to assist with vacuum.  Not something ideal anyway, but you get to a point where you don't care how the baby comes out.  The prep for the c-section was much longer than it took with Jane.  All the doctors and nurses were taking things slowly, deliberately, calmly.  It was a lot better that way, because I was able to relax and I think Jeff was too.  He came in right before the surgery and sat with me behind the screen that goes up above my stomach.  We held hands.  I didn't feel as much pressure this time either.  With Jane, it felt like they ripped her out of there pretty quickly.  With this baby, Holly eased out the head first, slowly, followed by the rest of the body.  I also didn't hear crying right away.  I knew the baby was out but didn't hear anything, except, "It's a girl, congratulations!"  I guess I knew it was ok because of the congrats, but it's nice for a new mom to hear her baby crying at first, just to know it is alive and well.  I had to prompt Jeff to get up and go over to take pictures, I am sure he was hesitant because it would mean 'crossing over' to the other side of that screen, but he kept his eyes averted.  He is so queezy about that stuff.  Anyway, from beginning of labor to delivery, it was about 16-17 hours.  That's much better than 32 hours the first time around.  Hey, that's almost half the time!  So jealous of the ladies who have labor lasting only in the single digits.  Since my next baby will have to be a scheduled c-section, I'm pretty sure it will be less than 10 hours... heck maybe I can be in and delivered in just an hour or so!  I don't know why my body won't deliver babies naturally, neither do the experts, but they think maybe my pelvis is too small?  Glad to be alive when medical help is here for me.

Pack Reunion in New York, July 2014

We had a wonderful time with family, as always.  It is a struggle to get all of the Pack siblings together as they all live in separate areas of the country... New York, Washington state, Utah, and Colorado.  Usually we go out west but this year was unique in that everyone made a special effort to get to New York where Mike and Lisa live with their family.  We allotted a full week to be there and it still went by way too fast.

We didn't make it too far from home starting out, the car broke down not 30 miles from home so this photo is us in the tow truck making sad faces.  But living close to home has some perks, we were able to take my mom's Acura instead and lose only a couple of hours.

We stopped at a rest area just at the Virginia border and I saw a photo opportunity.  Glad I did, she really hammed it up for these and that is not usual for her.  The typical scenario is me taking tons of photos just to get one that is not blurry or her running from the camera.  I do have some great photos of Jane, but you have to realize there are a lot of duds that get deleted!

                                               

We stopped in West Virginia and did the same thing.  There were signs not to pick the flowers, which of course any 2 year old would disregard.  I wonder if I shouldn't do this for every state we visit, but it was easier to cruise on through the other states and when we stopped there weren't any great places to take photos.  

Arrival at Mike and Lisa's on Sunday afternoon was low key.  Not everyone was there yet, except Mom and Dad Pack, Grandpa Pack, the Bowns and the Lindquists of course.  But Monday morning, we wasted no time in getting out on the lake.  Lake Seneca is closest to their home, and a friend of theirs was willing to share his boat and his expertise to take out all the menfolk.  A couple of the little guys got to go out too, but there was hardly any wind.  

Meanwhile, the women, children, and elderly had a nice time on the lakefront, listening to the pier-driver and digging in the sand.  The weather was not ideal for sailing perhaps, but it was wonderful lakeside.  A perfect cool summer morning without humidity!

On Tuesday, we headed to Niagara Falls.  This was one day trip that I was particularly excited about.  I'm not sure why, as I have been there before, except that I do remember the trip from my childhood and the memories had grown dim.  Needed to relight that part of my brain, and get some awesome photos with Jane there too.  My mom had a thing when we were younger, to take us to as many significant sites on roadtrips as we could cram in there.  I wish she had taken more photos of the places we saw.  All I have now are a few photos here and there but mostly my mind's eye.  Weather was again, perfect.  A tad windy today (should've swapped sailing days) but the feel of the water blowing off the falls and into my face was pleasant and refreshing.  Afterwards we were treated to ice cream by Grandma and Grandpa Pack.  Jane found an animal umbrella that she loved.  Fortunate for her, she doesn't have one so we felt it was a purchase we could use.

That night we went to eat in town.  The restaurant was nice.

From what I recall, Wednesday started out slow.  We went looking for things to do.  Lisa and I went to some community yard sales.  We took a walk around the area with Jane, and let her play on the dock in her bathing suit (no swimming took place, although we did take her on a canoe ride).

We also went to a local Amish store (and found cheese curds!)  We met a lovely little girl named Marilee.  She showed us her new stray cat friend that they've taken to feeding, and accompanied us around the store.  She really was too sweet.  I need to raise my little girl like Marilee.  

This post is getting awfully long, so I think I'll do a part II next time.