Happy Mother's Day 2014

Last weekend I was honored to spend time for the first ever Pack girls' weekend, in Arvada.  All of the daughters and daughter-in-laws were invited by my mother in law, Shelley, to spend the weekend and attend the Arvada Stake Relief Society conference, which as Stake Relief Society President, she had organized. It was so wonderful to spend the time with my family, with sisters that I waited all these years to have.  I learned so much by being with them; I admire them all so much in different ways; I hope to pick up their best attributes (and their fantastic cooking skills!)

Shelley pulled together several speakers, a fantastic lunch.  This was my second ever weekend away from Jane, but the first ever was anything but relaxing as that was the weekend for my grandpa's funeral.  It had been a whirlwind trip with me sick and no time to sleep!  So this weekend was nice to have time to myself for the first time in over two years.  I went to a few different workshops, but perhaps my favorite of the weekend was the class on "Raising Independent Children".  In fact, it was a class that could apply to anyone, the presenter was so awesome, wish I could insert his name but I don't remember it.  He spoke about the role of past, present, and future in our lives, and how most people live with past regrets and/or future worries, so much so that they allow the past and the future to push out the now, and often try to escape through different things, maybe social media, sleep, tv, video games, 'timeless' activities.  But NOW is the gift that Christ has promised us.  He has promised to cover our past faults, and has also said that we should 'take no thought for the morrow', we are as 'the lilies of the field.'  He will build us mansions in heaven.  He essentially has taken our past and our future into his hands through the Atonement.  That leaves us with much more now to take advantage of.  My mind is so enlightened by this whole concept.  These are things I know about the Atonement, but as applied to my here and now it gives me a better perspective on how I should be spending my time TODAY.  I can't control the past or the future, but I can control and enjoy every moment now.  Childhood is something that disappears all too quickly, so I must savor each moment, even the hard ones, to take them as teaching moments instead of something to escape.  If I am escaping into 'timeless' activities then time will be gone in a blink.  I also loved how he talked about 'spilt milk'.  If we freak out over little accidents like spilt milk, then how do we expect our children to approach us about a bad decision they've made?  The choices will only get harder and we need that open line of communication with our children and they must know that we love them unconditionally, them, not their 'potential.'  CTR (Choose the Right) is just as important as RTC (Right the Choice).  When we've made a good choice, "Great, what did I learn?" And when we've made a bad decision, "Great, what can I learn?"  We are ultimately mentors and teachers to our children, NOT disciplinarians.  I think that is such a great distinction to make.  I hope that I can be that kind of mom.

I also learned about depression, and being happy during hard times.  I was also impressed by the main speaker, who told about the importance of using the scriptures when teaching our children or anyone else.  Even being able to pick up the scriptures to answer basic questions.

So living in the NOW is my goal for the future.  To not be so consumed by future-thinking, which as a procrastinator is my habit;).  That being said, I am enjoying this Mother's Day by going through a mass of photos and videos unorganized from last year, and watching them, looking through them.  The photos of my Jane make me smile and laugh.  I have loved my own past, especially the past two and a half years.  I can honestly say that I have no regrets, I have let the Savior take over anything negative there 100%.  I am guilty of looking forward and perhaps worrying too much, or delaying too much.  Jane has just woken up from her nap so I'm going to leave this here and post my favorite photo from Easter Sunday, a weekend I'd love to write about soon (need to play catch up), but I can do that while she's asleep.  Time to sign off and go live in the NOW.

Letter from Grandma Lael, March 2014

Dear Andrea,

I'm writing this on a picture that Grandpa had in his stuff!  The round arches surprised me on a Swiss Chalet architecture!?  I do like arches but this is my favorite shape.  I am doing good, Not been lonesome yet, but have had children here and lots of bisitors and help.  Looking forward to Carolyn to come up and end social security.  I am so happy to hear of your new addition and how Jane reacted.  Girl or boy?  Are you still doing nursery singing?  Many have told me how they felt the spirit as you granddaughters sang "Abide With Me, Tis Eventide".  Val, I'm sure loved that tribute and didn't Randy Towery play such beautiful accompaniment!  Thank you for coming to Idaho- it all seems as a dream.  I've been busy sorting and sorting but taken it easy on myself too.  Seems I'm tired a lot, but Lori is taking me to doctor this week; to check me out!  How are you feeling- hopefully not too sick.  I was sick with my last one.  You are a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father, and I'm glad and happy you are part of our family!

Love forever, Nana Lael

Letter from Shelley

I don't know when I got this note but I love it and want to keep it forever!

Dear Andrea, 

I was just going through some things on my desk and found the picture book you sent for Christmas and CD.  It was so fun to look through it again and see Jane growing up.  I don't think I thanked you adequately at Christmas time so I wanted to send you a note.  I always love getting your notes so I hope this lifts your spirits to know how grateful we are for your wonderful influence in our family!  Thank you thank you thank you!  We love you!

Love, Shelley

Editor's Note:  Aw.  Just aw.

Letter from Grandma Lael, October 2013

Happy Halloween!  Is Jane going to be a witch, or is she already one?  Ask her and she'll say "NO."  Your time here was so delightful for me and Grandpa, It will be a cherished memory.  Thank you for helping me so much and the pretty flowers really surprised me!  On B.D. got 2 other flower arrangements and 4 obs candy and 2 plates of brownies.  Can you imagine what a pumpkin I am now?  I've had my swan-song with flower arrangements now.  I tried to arrange 1 vase from all three and it looks awful!  It is hard to cut the stems or even move the vases they are so heavy.  I can't move them from counter to table.  Another thing hit the fan!  I am OK to be without a lot of things now, just so I have my Bed.  The cell phone holder really helps so thanks for all you did for me.

Love, Nana Lael

October 2013

Probably the most significant event of the month was a visit to Grandma and Grandpa Feller with Jane, Ryan, and my mom.  It definitely was the highlight of the month, but now I can say that it might well have been the most significant event of the year, because although we did not know it at the time, it was the last time that all of us would see Grandpa Val alive. (this post is written in May of 2014).  It wasn't entirely unexpected, he was having difficulty standing and walking, and taking care of himself.

I don't remember Grandpa Val ever being especially good with children; he almost scared me as a kid sometimes although I always admired him and wanted to please him.  Once when I was probably 8 years old, Grandma told me to sneak downstairs to where he sat sleeping in his rocking chair to give him a goodnight kiss.  "But Grandma" I pleaded, "I don't want to.  He's sleeping!"  She insisted.  So I crept up to him quietly, put my lips right up next to his cheek and "Rrrrrrrrrrrraaaarrrrrw!"  He roared and scared me half to death.  Another time, I remember fishing with him and my brothers.  When Christopher caught a fish, he was afraid to touch it to remove it from the hook.  Grandpa got downright angy and yelled at him to "take the damn fish off the hook!"  I'm pretty sure that the fish died during the argument, which is what Grandpa was mad about.  He wanted Christopher to have the whole experience from start to finish and he was being too childish about touching the fish.

But Grandpa was amazing with Jane.  He spoke with her and taught her how to use a fly swatter.  She had so much fun running around that room while Grandpa sat in his recliner, swatting here and there at flies while Grandpa encouraged her.  I just knew I had to get a photo of that moment.

Here she is at the wishing well in Grandma and Grandpa's front yard.

She also got along fabulously with Grandma Lael, although most kids do.  She listened to her stories and sat in her lap and gave her hugs and kisses.  Grandma has always said that Jane looks like a porcelain doll.  And Grandma would know; she's collected many dolls in the past.  She has one earmarked for Jane.

We made a detour to Burley, Idaho on the way home to visit my cousins, Cheyenne (Peterson) Harris and Kathryn (Warrick) Ballestero.  Jane sits between the three Harris second cousins, with Katie's girls on the far left and the newborn wrapped up in the blanket.  Although I can see a remarkable difference in the kids since I last saw them (Rachel and Sarah at 2 and 3), my cousins have not changed much at all.  It was fun to see Cheyenne's home, that her husband had done most of the work himself on.

Another event of the month was a group campout with the Holling and Lemmons families back at home.  We went to Morrow Mountain state park and found 3 campsites together.  This was Jane's very first camping trip.  She did great!  I was worried about her not being able to go to sleep, then sleeping poorly through the night and waking us up early, but none of those fears came true.  In fact, she basically put herself to bed that night.  She was probably exhausted from all the running and playing.  The following morning was spent getting dirty by playing down in the dusty dirt.  The other kids did this as well.

I grabbed some photos with Coco this month because she had had several seizures and we didn't know how long she would have until we had to put her down due to her mobility and age issues.  Fortunately, she stayed with us through Christmas.  But I'm still glad I got the photos.  Jane loved Coco and Coco loved the attention she received from Jane, when no one else in the house was interested in giving her the attention.

I got a haircut this month, and color, and I love it!

And finally, I neglected to get photos of us in costume this year.  This was at a free event at the Cornelius Arts' Center.  But this year she was all dressed up as Alice in Wonderland, while I was the Cheshire cat, and Jeff was the White Rabbit (although he again missed the ward party).  Which was too bad because we won the category for Most Creative, the two of us.  Trick or Treating was fun this year.  We went with a few other families in the ward; the Sherwoods, the Thomas's, and the Ferrins.  Stella and Jane were just the cutest little pair, running door to door for their goodies.  They didn't last too long and were almost more interested in running than in the candy, but that's ok because mom and dad stepped in to help eat some of it.

So there's October of 2013 for you!  Overall a very happy month in our lives, I think these experiences will be some of those that I reflect on in my older years as one of the happiest seasons of my life.

Welcome Fall!

Fall is my favorite season, all kinds of fun recreational activities open up that we enjoy.  Jane and I went to Carrigan Farms for hayride, petting zoo, and apple picking at the beginning of the month.  Of all the animals (goats, pigs, cow, chickens), Jane loved the rabbit best.  One day we may have to try a pet rabbit again.

She took the hayride in stride, didn't seem to love it or hate it.  The apples were the main event.  Jane couldn't wait to eat one.

She also loved the tractors... they had one pulling the trailer with hay and another in the 'store' that the kids are allowed to climb on.  She wanted to climb on both but I managed to keep her off the working one.  In the end, her patience paid off.

The other fun thing we were able to do this month was to go hang out at Nana's location for her outdoor camps, a beautiful property with natural pond, forest, and building onsite.  There was fishing with nets, campfire with hot dogs and s'mores (and Starbursts), and we even went to check out the child size ropes course, which Jane has done before.  She loved walking the fallen log 'bridge.'

And then she also had fun picking bamboo shoots along the edge of the pond with her friend Emily.

We didn't get to visit the water lily pond, so maybe next time.

We have lots of other fun fall activities planned for this year, including pumpkin picking, camping, and bonfires.  And lots of fall goodies like squash soups, hot chocolate, pumpkin, and pecan pie.  And I'm making preparations for Halloween for all three of us.  It will be a great month.

Babysitter Generations: Random Thoughts

Today as I was driving home the babysitter, we got to chatting about things like siblings, school and seminary, friends, the things she enjoys, etc.  Normal things that I completely relate to because I remember being that age, as though it were just yesterday.  I realize by saying that, I am officially old.  But my thinking wandered and this is basically how it went:

"Wow, I can't believe that in a few years she'll be off getting married and starting her own little family. (Don't we ALL do this at wedding receptions and reunions, we always make a big fuss over who's grown up so big, etc.)

"In a few more years beyond that, she'll come back to visit her parents and she'll see Jane again and remark how crazy fast she's grown and that she can't believe that's the same little baby girl she used to babysit.

"And a few more years beyond that, she may be asking MY kid to babysit HER kid.

"Then give it a few more years and MY kid will be getting married and starting her own little family and will come back to visit me (by now Grandma) and remark how crazy it is that the kid she used to babysit is all grown up into a big kid."

And so on and so forth.  You get the drift.  Now I know we usually look at aging as a generational type thing.  At least I do.  Like... one day I'll have kids and then I'm old.  After that, one day I'll be a grandma and then I'm old.  After that, great grandchildren.  You know, 20 year chunks of time.  The babysitter analogy just seems to break up time for me in a way that makes me realize that I am aging, and aging fast.  I mean, really, kids grow up so fast and we always say this, but we are aging just as quickly, so it's easier to see how fast when we compare it to something in our kids' lives, like babysitting.  So to illustrate this, I've set up a little timeline below, although not all steps come for everyone in the same order.  But you get the idea.  Where do YOU fall on the 'Babysitter' timeline?

1.  You have a babysitter.
2.  You babysit for others.
3.  Your old babysitter has grown up and had a child.
4.  Your old babysitter hires a babysitter.
5.  The kids you used to babysit are babysitting for others.
6.  You grow up and have a child.
7.  Your kids have a babysitter.
8.  The kids you used to babysit grow up and have children.
9.  The kids of the kids you used to babysit have a babysitter.
10.  Your old babysitter's kids are babysitting for others.
11.  Your kids are babysitting for others.
12.  Their old babysitter is grown up with a child.
13.  Their old babysitter hires a babysitter.
14.  The kids your kids used to babysit are now babysitting for others.
15.  Your kids grow up and have a child.
16.  Your kids' kids have a babysitter.
17.  The kids that your kids used to babysit grow up and have children.
18.  The kids that your kids used to babysit hire babysitters.
19.  Your kids' kids babysit for others.
20.  Etc.
(Eventually you will repeat step 2 for your aging parents, and finally step 1, your kids for you.  Ah the great circle of life!).

I think it is safe to conclude that if you have grandchildren that are babysitting age, then you are getting old enough that you don't want to count any higher.  So I'll be kind here and end it.  But see the point?  I can promise you it boggled my mind to write that list, and that the word babysitter was written so many times it started to look like a foreign word or misspelled.  I am between steps 9 and 10!  So it's time for me to quit running into grown up kids that I used to babysit and marvel at how old they've gotten, or that they are getting married or having babies or whatever.  It's time to own up to the fact that I am getting old just as fast as they are.

This little exercise also proves to me that while childhood seemed like a long eternity (because I still feel like a child in many ways), in fact it was only a short timespan.  But your childhood stays with you your whole life, despite how brief.  I need to spend these important years shaping my child's view of the world and building memories for her.

Of course I knew all of this before.  But it's nice to have a chat with a teenage babysitter and see the generations mapped out in quick succession before her.  Oh what the future holds for her!  Oh, what the future holds for me!